Sunday, February 18, 2007

25 things I don't want to think about...

I decided to come in and edit this post. God has been blessing me alot this week.

1.) The laundry I desperatly need to do but won't have time for until Wednesday.
2.) What will happen at my first trip to the gyno.
3.) The fact that I forgot to take my chpt. 4 History quiz before the deadline. Due to a problem with pipeline, he's re-opened the quiz for just today.
4.) What my wedding colors are.
5.) Wedding registries (arggh! What is the point of a charger plate? anyone?)
6.) Making an appointment for my dress fitting.
7.) Haggling over adjustments and beading repair on my dress.
8.) Finding time to apply for a bible scholarship.
9.) Applying for credit for my mission's internship.
10.) The fact that our two missionary contacts have dropped off the face of the planet before we could arrange which we would be working for.
11.) What kind of wedding cake I want.
12.) What kind of music I want at the wedding.
13.) Pretty much anything at all to do with the wedding.After noting Dad's helpful suggestions I realized how lucky I am that its me and not him planning my wedding.
14.) Ways to stop clenching my teeth during nightmares so that they'll stop bleeding at night.
15.) The million and one ways my support letter was inadequate for sources that can't agree on what they want it to look like.
16.) The fact that I didn't spell his name right even though he can't spell mine.
17.) The essay test I have in History tomorrow.I aced this test.
18.) The 30 source annotated bibliography I have coming up that is to be turned in before the paper.
19.) The fact that I'm a week behind in Greek.
20.) I still haven't heard back from anyone about the RA position I applied for.
21.) When I will find time to send out a second wave of support letters.
22.) Talking to my trustee about paying the tuition for my internship.
23.) I have yet to get my Typhoid shot.
24.) I have yet to get my Visa pictures.
25.)At what point during reading the four gospels, the six required texts, skimming my 30 sources, translating and underlining my three pericopes from the greek, and creating an annotated bibliogrphy, am I supposed to write my 15 page synopsis?

*Also if you have peter pan or great value peanut butter with the stock number 2111 on the lid throw it out. It's been recalled for salmonella.

Sunday, February 11, 2007

yeah... I deleted it. I want to hate him. I'm just not any good at it.

Saturday, February 03, 2007

The Proposal Story

I've been a big procrastinator on putting this story up and today James posted this on his xanga(another form of a blog that most of out college friends use)James and I have had an up and down week with fighting and pre-marital counseling and just a bunch of silly things, but the wonderful thing about James is that he is very intentional about making things better in our relationship. He is terribly shy and he doesn't express emotions (this week though I saw his eyes well up, I know it's horrible to want to see your fiance cry but it just assures me that he's more emotional than he likes to let on.) Anyway, our pre-marital session ended with us writing a list of things the other person could do to show us that they loved us for eachother, and at the top of mine I put "say that he loves me in a public setting", he practically went white when he heard it. (It's kind of unfair in that I've never done the same for him and that I would be equally as afraid of it if he had thought to put it on his list)Today, I found this post on his xanga, that may not seem public to you, but this is read by all of his friends and some of their parents, including the ones that criticized us for dating in the first place, by posting it here he's insured everyone will hear it. Here's what he wrote:(all words in bold are my commentary)

The Story
Act I: Chapel. I get up at six so I can drive to Wal-mart and pick up roses before work.He got a job working early in the mornings so that it wouldn't cut into our time together.I get to chapel a couple minutes after 9, rushing to my seat before the checker comes, and hand Kacey the roses. She smiles. Good choice. (Note to self : roses are always a good choice) Kacey's been trying to explain to me the difference between letters and roses. I still don't quite get it, but if roses make her happy, it's roses she'll have.
Act 2: I tell her to meet me in the student center at 3pm, dressed to be outside. After my last class ends a 1, I eat a hasty lunch and set up a scavenger hunt across campus, leaving clues at all the places that we have memories together. The final destination intention : the Administration Auditorium stage. It's brilliant. It's beautiful. It's being used for a class.For the life of me I can't figure out why he would have chosen the Admin. Guys make no sense. I dejectedly leave the Auditorium and run into Susanna, one of Kacey's closest friends here. I briefly explain my dilemma and she suggests the Heritage Chapel. Sounds corny to you, but it's really a beautiful place, with a view of most of the campus. I take her advice and set up the scavenger hunt to end at the chapel. I finish sorting out some nonsense with my books, make sure the chapel is unlocked, and meet Kacey in the student center. Then I remember, I have one more clue to leave. I tell her I'll be right back, and rush outside, up two flights of stairs and leave the last clue. Then I return and hand her the first clue : the call number for a book in the library. My childishness comes out at this point and at this point only, but how could I resist? Can you believe our library has a book that's simply called "Sex"? Yeah, I'm immature, but it'll just get better from here.i mentioned to him after that this clue isn't really one you include in a proposal scavenger hunt. He muttered something about knowing he should have gone for Pride and Prejudice. There were half a dozen other locations, each relating to a memory from "us" , ending at the chapel. She thinks there's another clue somewhere inside the chapel.I did not. I knew he was going to propose the whole time because he has trouble with keeping suprises a suprise, I was just worried he would panick and decide not to propose that day after all. I'm panicking because, surprise!, there's people in there now! Where do I go!?! What do I do!?! I mumble some unbelievable excuse about skipping that clue and lets got to the cemetery. Kacey doesn't really believe me, but agrees to come anyway.
Act 3: The cemetery is kind of a special place for us, tracing back almost to the beginning of our friendship. Anytime things were getting stressful on campus or confusing or painful with her family, that's where we'd go. It's within walking distance, and really a beautiful place if you don't mind the gravestones. I've always loved cemeteries and I think this one was beginning to grow on Kacey. We have a spot, between the dead elm tree and one of the cedar trees that's our spot.Hmmm, I never knew what kind of trees they are. We'd sit there and talk, or lay on our backs and watch the clouds and it's just a wonderful place. By the time we arrive at the cemetery, I've got serious butterflies in my stomach. Even though I love Kacey and I know what she'll say, I'm still nervous. I'm only going to propose to her twice in my life, so I want it to be perfect.He proposed on our first date and I said yes but then changed my mind because it seemed a little fast.Wow you are all going to think I'm a nut case now. I'm not in the habit of doing things like that. James was just different. I lead her over to the spot and tell her to close her eyes. I'm awkward when I move, so it's better if she's not looking when I get down on one knee. I tell her to open her eyes and hold up the ring and ask her if she'll marry me. She says yes. I pull her into a hug and she tells me she loves me. I've been longing to hear those words. We stand there for a few moments, wrapped in an embrace, then head back to the car. And life hasn't been the same since.
To be honest, I never really thought I'd fall in love. I always rather fancied that would be one curse I would steer clear of, laughing as my friends got tangled in it's web. I thought I would have good friends at work, go home each night, cook an extravagant meal for myself, ?pizza rolls? and fall asleep watching whatever movie I wanted to with my dozen dogs. I would go to the theatre and operas on the weekend, writing marvelous novels that would win me acclaim around the world. I would be the best dressed, (once he learned that black and brown don't match) best looking, best-mannered man in town and I would live my life in direct defiance of this concept of love. I would be the guy that every girl would want and the guy that no girl could ever have.
Then I met Kacey and all that changed. They say humans are meant to live in community, that it's not natural for them to live alone. I never really wanted to be human or to follow the standards applied to them. But so long as I remain within this mortal coil, I shall remain, to some degree, human. Despite my general distain for emotions, I find that the complete removal of them is hardly wise. (and not actually possible, if I kick him in the groin he'll cry like any other guy)
When I met Kacey, I had no intention of falling in love. I had no intention of ever falling in love. I wasn't looking for a relationship and I didn't want a girlfriend. But sometimes (despite my inclinations), the heart is stronger than the head. And despite my fear of emotions, I let my emotions have a degree of control and I've been thankful ever since. Sometimes we have to take risks in life. Sometimes we must make a choice without knowing where it will lead. Sometimes we think we know what we need, what we want, and find out we've been terribly wrong. Kacey is everything I never knew I needed.
I only pray that all my friends shall be so blessed in love. I love you Kacey. Shalom.

Thursday, February 01, 2007

Building a Team

My mission team got their DiSC test results back last night. There are only three of us on a team;Jack, Mary and me. Jack and Mary ended up being complete opposites, literally, their graph if you combine thier two check marks would make a diamond. This test creates a graph and matches it to one of the 15 personality patterns. We haven't discussed the patterns yet. We were just told which letter we were and what the characteristics of that letter were. Everyone has some of all the letters but there is always one that is high. (Unless of course you are me whose check mark looks more like a straight line, either I'm well rounded or devoid of personality)You are given six adjectives to describe your personality in eith of the letters. Jack is a high "C" (Conscientiousness) and only one point away from being a high "D" Dominance. Which is funny because Jack can seem so timid but it is because C's dislike conflict and criticism and seek round about ways of trying to solve a problem. Mary had very little C in her. Mary is a very high "i" which Jack has almost none of.
Jack: careful, restrained, high standards, analyitcal, sensitive, mature, evasive
Mary: arbitrary, rebellious,defiant,obstinate,tactless,sarcastic
Me: restrained, high standards, analyitcal, sensitive, mature, evasive, "own person"

Jack: suspicious,pessimistic,aloof, withdrawn, self-conscious, reticent
Mary: enthusiastic, gregarious, persuasive, impulsive, emotional, self-promoting
me: convincing, observing, discriminating, reflective, factual, logical, controlled

As you can see Jack and Mary are really different but they are already friends and while some of the adjectives sound negative that is because it is the environment in which they react least to. We were supposed to be paired off in groups of which ever letterwas highest so I had to go ask Marvin (man administering the exam)where to go, he just looked at mine and raised his eyebrows, he laughed when he heard James and Mary's personalities. Essentially my personality is very "fluid" in that I can choose an area to be dominant depending on the situation. This summer for example, I will be the buffer between James and Mary. He predicts I will take on a high "S" personality which is the peacemaker type. The wierd thing is that wt pre-marital my counselor said the same thing about the Meyers-briggs and Taylor tests. That I scored near the middle and it would probably be a good thing because I could adjust to deal with other personalities better. I think James took that to mean ,"You're probably one of the few people who could ever live with an INTJ" because all the way down the elevator he kept saying ," I don't want to be someone you have to 'deal with'"

Monday, January 29, 2007

I've Done 114 out of 159 stupid/ random things.

Level 1
() Smoked A Cigarette
(x) Smoked A Cigar
() Smoked Weed
() Kissed A Member Of The Same Sex
(x) Drank Alcohol


Level 2
(x) Are / Have Been In Love
(x) Been Dumped
() Shoplifted
() Been Fired
(x) Been In A Fist Fight


Level 3
(x) Snuck Out Of A Parent's House
() Had Feelings For Someone Who Didn't Have Them Back
() Been Arrested
() Made Out With A Stranger
() Gone Out On A Blind Date


Level 4
(x) Had A Crush On An Older Person
(x) Skipped School
() Slept With A Fellow Student
(x) Seen Someone / Something Die
(x) Said a bad word

SO FAR: 10

Level 5
(x) Had / Have A Crush On One Of Your Facebook Friends
() Been To Paris
() Been To Spain
(x) Been On A Plane
() Thrown Up From Drinking

SO FAR: 12

Level 6
(x) Eaten Sushi
() Been Snowboarding
(x) Met Someone BECAUSE Of Facebook
(x) Been in a Mosh Pit
(x) Been on a road trip

SO FAR: 16

Level 7
(x) Been In An Abusive Relationship
(x) Taken Pain Killers (Who hasnt haha)
(x) Love/Like Loved/Liked Someone Who You Cant Have
(x) Laid On Your Back And Watched Cloud Shapes Go By
(x) Made A Snow Angel

SO FAR: 21

Level 8
(x) Had A Tea Party
(x) Flown A Kite
(x) Built A Sand Castle
(x) Gone Mudding/Offroading
(x) Played Dress Up

SO FAR: 26

Level 9
(x) Jumped Into A Pile Of Leaves
(x) Gone Sledding
(x) Cheated While Playing A Game
(x) Been Lonely
(x) Fallen Asleep At Work / School

SO FAR: 31

Level 10
(x) Watched The Sun Set
() Felt An Earthquake
() Killed A Snake
() Been in a fire
() Been in a hurricane

SO FAR: 32

Level 11
(x) Been Tickled
() Been Robbed / Vandalized
(x) Stole something (The candy in the desk next to me in the first grade)
(x) Been Misunderstood
(x) Been in a Tornado

SO FAR: 36

Level 12
(x) Won A Contest
() Been Suspended From School
(x) Had Detention
(x) Been In A Car / Motorcycle Accident
(x) Watched fireworks on the water

SO FAR: 40

Level 13
(x) Had / Have Braces
(x) Eaten a whole pint of ice cream in one night
(x) Danced in the moonlight
(x) Ran in the rain
(x) Screamed at the top of your lungs

SO FAR: 45

Level 14
(x) Hated The Way You Looked
(x) Witnessed A Crime
() Pole Danced (not that anyone wanted to know that...)
(x) Questioned Your Heart
(x) Been obsessed with post-it-notes (I love post it noting peoples cars!)

SO FAR: 49

Level 15
(x) Squished Barefoot Through The Mud
(x) Been Lost
(x) Been To The Opposite Side Of The World
(x) Swam In The Ocean
(x) Felt Like You Were Dying

SO FAR: 54

Level 16
(x) Cried Yourself To Sleep
(x) Played Cops And Robbers (i think so, unless this has a dirty connotation)
(x) Recently Colored With Crayons / Colored Pencils / Markers
(x) Sang Karaoke
(x) Paid For A Meal With Only Coins

SO FAR: 59

Level 17
(x) Done Something You Told Yourself You Wouldn't
(x) Made Prank Phone Calls
(x) Laughed Until Some Kind Of Beverage Came Out Of Your Nose
(x) Kissed In The Rain
(x) Played Ping-pong

SO FAR: 64

Level 18
(x) Written A Letter To Santa Claus
(x) Been Kissed Under A Mistletoe
(x) Watched The Sun Set/ sun rise With Someone You Care / Cared About
(x) Blown Bubbles
(x) Made A Bonfire On The Beach or Anywhere

SO FAR: 69

Level 19
(x) Crashed A Party
() Have Traveled More Than 5 Days With A Car Full Of People
(x) Gone Rollerskating / Blading
(x) Had A Wish Come True
() Been Humped By A Monkey

SO FAR: 72

Level 20
(x) Worn Pearls
(x) Jumped Off A Bridge
() Swam With Dolphins
() Rode a Camel

SO FAR: 74

Level 22
(x) Got Your Tongue Stuck To A Pole/Freezer/Ice Cube
(x) Kissed A Fish
(x) Worn The Opposite Sex's Clothes
(x) Sat On A Roof Top
() Kissed A Worm

SO FAR: 78

Level 23
(x) Screamed At The Top Of Your Lungs (didn't we do this one already??)
(x) Done / Attempted A One-Handed Cartwheel
() Talked On The Phone For More Than 6 Hours
(x) Recently Pulled An All-Nighter
(x) Ridden a Ferriswheel

SO FAR: 82

Level 24
(x) Picked And Ate An Apple Right Off The Tree
(x) Climbed A Tree
(x) Had / Been In A Tree House
(x) Been scared To Watch Scary Movies Alone
(x) Peed your pants

SO FAR: 87

Level 25
(x) Believed In Ghosts
() Have had More Then 30 Pairs Of Shoes
(x) Gone Streaking
(x) Visited Jail
(x) Scared of the dark

SO FAR: 91

Level 26
(x) Played Chicken
(x) Been Pushed into a pool with all your clothes on
(x) Been Told You're Hot By A Complete Stranger
(x) Broken A Bone (maybe a toe?)
(x) Been Easily Amused

SO FAR: 96

Level 27
(x) Caught A Fish Then Ate It Later
() Made A Porn Video/Got Asked To Make One (who says yes to this one?)
(x) Caught A Butterfly
(x) Laughed So Hard You Cried
(x) Cried So Hard You Laughed

SO FAR: 100

Level 28
(x) Mooned / Flashed Someone
(x) Had Someone Moon / Flash You
(x) Forgotten Someone's Name
(x) French Braided Someones Hair
() Been Kicked Out Of Your House

SO FAR: 104

Level 29
(x) Rode A Roller Coaster
() Went Scuba-Diving / Snorkeling
(x) Had A Cavity
(x) Black-Mailed Someone (I have siblings)
(x) Been Black Mailed

SO FAR: 108

Level 31
(x) Been Used
(x) Fell Going Up The Stairs
() Licked A Cat
(x) Bitten Someone
(x) Licked Someone

SO FAR : 112

Level 32
() Been Shot At/Held At Gunpoint
() Had Sex In The Rain
() Flattened Someone's Tires
(x) Rode your car/truck until the gas light came on
(x) Got five dollars or less worth of gas

Total: 114

I'm tagging Dad, Kara, and Dan

Kara's back on the blogging scene! You'll have to excuse her rants on pre-nups, she hasn't been taking her prozac lately. (wow, I've missed the opportunity to make-fun of her in a safe place far from anywhere she could hurt me)

Saturday, January 27, 2007

Summer Dreamin'

I dreamt about my coming summer last night. James and I boarded a plane for Thailand but the pilot came on and said that something was wrong with it so we would have to board this tiny personal jet to take us to Thailand instead. There were 20 of us squeezing onto this little jet including an old friend from high school and her lesbian girlfriend who were apparently on our team going to Thailand. Halfway there though, while flying over Africa something went wrong on the jet and we had to make an emergency landing. I went to the cockpit to see who the pilot was and it was the friend from high school, she had passed out and the plane was about to hit the ground. The circuit board was sparking and without thinking I shoved her out of the seat and landed the plane from my memories of flying with Quentin when he was training for his pilot's license. We landed in a marsh full of hippos who started circling the plane. I had to open a hatch and climb outside to fix something in the engine and the hippos kept getting closer and closer. I didn't want to be stranded in some random marsh in Africa so I yelled at James to bring me the tape from the first aid kit and I frantically tried to seal off a tube that was leaking. James started to have an allergic reaction to the hippos but luckily he had brought the first aid kit with him and I found a syringe and a medicine to counter it. While I was filling the syringe a hippo charged the jet and nearly knocked the tape off. I set the syringe down and grabbed at the tape and caught it just in time. I grabbed the shot next and gave it to James and then finished taping the tube up. I drug james back inside and started the plane up and took off. By that time my friend from highschool had woken up and took over flying it. When we set down in Thailand, a doctor examined us all and told me that James had contracted Hepatitus from the dirty needle and that my friend now had stage four breast cancer becasue she was exposed to too much radiation from the circuit board on the plane. Both James and my friend were blaming me for it. (I am perfectly aware that most of these events could never happen.)I was really upset and decided to just go home so I flew back to the states where Candy was waiting for me at the airport (I think my mind shifted into another dream here but my mind just connected the two) She said her old church camp needed some counselors and that she had signed us up. I needed to take an internship so I agreed and went with her. The camp was up north some where and there was only one huge lodge where every one stayed at. The girls stayed int he rooms ont he left side of the common rooms and the guys on the right. I noticed my friend Jared was one of the guy counselors which was nice. There was one other girl counselor with Candy and I but we didn't know her. We arrived at camp late and went straight to bed. I woke up in the mornong to a phone ringing and realized there was a telephone booth in the next room fromt he one I was sharing with the other girl counselors. Camp was starting the next day. I went and answered the phone and it was Gabe. He was really upset becasue he and Cadny were fighting again. I told him I really couldn't talk to him about it and suggested that maybe he call Cadny. He got really mad and asked if I knew anything about the camp I was at. I said know. He told me that bad things happen there and that was why they have trouble getting counselors. i told him to stop being juvenile. He said that I would get what I deserved and hung up. Right as I set the phone back in the cradle, the arm that had been holding it burst into flame. I started screaming and beating at it. Finally I had to rollon the floor. When I got up I saw that bits of my sweater had fused to my skin. The rest had burned away. My upper arm was the only part seriously burnt But I was next to a breakdown. Still I couldn't afford to botch another internship and who would believe me that my arm had spontaneaously burst inot flame. They would just think I was playing with fire which was against the rules probably. I decided it must all be in my head somehow and that I would go shange into a clean shirt and then go have the nurse bandage it so that no one would know. When I went back into my room and opened my closet all my clothes were covered in soot. It looked like someone had lit a fire under them. As I stared I heard the phone ring in the next room again. I was really scared and slowly walked back into the next room and stared at the phone. I waited at the door till it quit ringing because there was noway I was touching it again. Immediatly after it stopped ringing I heard Candy start shrieking in our room. I ran in and she and her sheets were soaked in blood. She was covered in cuts all over her body and when I helped her out of the bed we noticed pairs of scissors all where she had been laying. She said she had tried to make herself wake up but she couldn't. I ran into the common room and got the director and showed him Candy and my arm and he rushed us to the camp nurse. As we were running out he nervously asked me if I had seen anything funny. I didn't answer. While I was waiting for the nurse to finish bandaging Candy I stared out the window and saw a little boy playing under an apple tree. There was and abandoned house on the property or at least I had thought it was abandoned, but I saw a woman come out of the house and yell at him to stop picking the unripe apples. As we left the nurses station I turned and saw the boy smile at me and intentionally pick another unripe apple. The woman at the door must have seen as well because she opened the screen door again and yelled at him to stop. He grinned at me then spun around and threw the apple as hard as he could at the woman hitting her square between the eyes and she crumpled. I gasped and the director turned around and saw where I was staring. When I looked with him I noticed the house was run-down, obviously abandoned, unlike it had appeared a few moments before. The director looked at me and said he had lived there with his wife and son until his wife died. I walked silently back into the lodge with Candy. When We reached our room though, I couldn't get the door to open. Candy's bed was shoved up against it and the springs were creaking. I looked through the crack and saw the other girl counselor's bare arm and leg. I nearly started laughing because I knew Candy was going to be mad when she saw the other girl rolling around naked on her bed when her own bed was three feet away. Candy saw me choking back laughter and asked, "what?" and shoved the door farther open. I noticed then that there was someone else naked in the bed with her and stopped laughing. Candy noticed too and slammed the door open the rest of the way enraged. She was about to start yelling when I noticed our othr roomie's head roll back her eyes were open but she was either dead or unconscious. The guy in the bed looked up and grinned and I recognized the boy from the apple tree only quite a few years older. There was something wrong with him and I noticed his eyes were solid white. I drug Candy away from the door and told her to run and that I was quitting this stupid job and woke up. I wonder what Freud would say about this one.

Thursday, January 25, 2007

Taylor meets Meyers-Briggs

James and I started pre-marital today which basically means a lot of temperment tests. I'm interested to see what our counselor thinks of the results. First we take the same test and fill out how we think we would react in situations then take another sheet and fill out how the other person would react in the same situations. I can tell you already that James and I have the same beliefs but are polar opposites as far as personality goes. Is that bad?James actually talks to the counselor which is good, and he's talking more with my friends. I worry that some of my extended family will be suspicious of him becasue he's so quiet but he really is a great guy just very shy.

So dad went on a date. I know because, as always, he called me 2 minutes before my alarm went off that morning. (Don't let his mr. cool demeanor in his blog fool you he was like a giddy school girl) hehehe (o.k. maybe I just like comparing dad to a giddy school girl) I'm thinking this whole dating thing could be alot of fun. I haven't called Jeremiah yet to make sure Dad was back by curfew or to at least see if he sat on the porch cleaning guns. Actually I guess dad picked her up. How come guys don't have to go through the whole "dad" problem when dating? If I ever have sons I'm going to grill them just so my daughters know I'm an equal opportunity parent.

Well I need sleep. I should probably post the engagement story sometime, huh? He proposed in the graveyard between "leslie" and "luther" and a tree.