Tuesday, May 10, 2005

Faith like a Mustard Seed

Well finals are here. I feel like a zombie, but really finals week is one of the best weeks of school. You get to study with all your friends and once your finals are done for the day you have a little time to hang out with friends before packing and studying for the next final. I still can't believe how quickly the end of school is coming.
I just got back from a study session at a house near campus. It was for my missionary principles class. I barely knew any of the guys I was studying with. I knew one from a brief convo on jis love for the people of Iraq. He actually is headed there this summer for mission work. I know alot of people think that is crazy, but he's a dew breaker and I admire him for going. (dewbreaker=in Africa sometimes in the early morning to ready fields for work, the younger members of society are sent to use thier bodies as human brooms to sweep the field of the morning dew, so work will be easier for the later workers, hence the perfect application) One of the best things about study sessions is that very little studying is ever accomplished. But I live for the talks. My new partners in crime were Sean (the dewbreaker), Aaron (soon to be married songleader and youth and family ministry major), and Nathan (Preaching Major). We spoke in general on faith. It was amazing, sometimes your heart just thirsts for knowledge and this is one of the ways to find it. While I don't have any amazing revelations, my heart feels less starved in some respects, and even hungrier now that I've had a taste of what I'm looking for. I want more. I want to know God and I want to have a deep relationship with him. I'm not talking about going to church, pray every day, read your bible type of relationships. I'm talking I want my relationship with him to be as necesary as my next breath. I want to learn true spirituality not true religion. A chimp can perform true religion, I want to see God in everything and everybody and Glorify him in my every action and thought. And right now in my blindness I don't. A good friend told me recently that God made our hearts to be capable of being lovesick for a reason. As much as I hate that state of being I couldn't be more thankful for it.
We discussed the possibility of speaking in tongues. I know, I know, all you church of christers out there need to drop the pitch forks for a moment and at least hear me out. First let me define speaking in tonuges: the ability to speak in languages one has not previously studied for the purposes of giving God's message to others. One should never do it without an interpreter or if distracting. We talked about stories we've heard of this happening. Of a preacher who unknowingly broke into another language during his sermon, only to have a german family come foreward afterwards and tell him how his message reached them. No one else knew the language, not even the preacher. Now I know that no one here would negate the possibility of God being able to do this as he is omnipotent. Just the fact that it occurs now adays. But could it be possible that in our complacent and lazy christianity that very few of us are that open to the Holy Spirit. How many preachers do you know who would take a leap of faith and throw thier sermon out the window, to speak about what they are moved to at that moment? Is it possible that Satan could use our own disbelief or lack of faith in demons, tongues, and miracles to diminish God's power in our eyes. I believe it is foolish to believe everything without a second though. The bible tells us to test things against the scriptures, but how do we do that, if our mind was never open to the idea any way.
Or maybe in reference to miracles. We've all heard stories of miraclulous cancer recoveries. Why are we so reluctant to believe in God's power? Why do we so quickly cast doubt on so much of our christian heritage? Perhaps if more people had faith in what God could do if only we were able to concieve of it than we would here of more stories like that.
On a different note, it was interesting to watch Nathan and Aaron debate these issues. I tuned out for a while whilethey were speaking to just watch them. One was so gentle and loving in his speech towards his brother, and the other seemed so disconnected. He seemed almost to just be quoting sermons from his past with out much genuine thoughtt o what his brother was saying. Both knew thier bible very well, but sadly I have no doubt which one will touch more people's hearts. The gospel is a ministry of love and should be treated as such. And even more disturbing, I know which of the two I am more like, and it saddens me.
Lately I have felt to quote one of my friends, "Like I'm on the edge of a cliff looking over the edge." Sometimes I find myself rethinking my plans to go into mission work. I'm unworthy and unready. But I know God can prepare me and none of us are worthy. I wish my reasons were as altruistic as just that, but really I'm frightened. What a leap that would be. I'm on the cliff and I'm looking over and I know that someone somewhere has the amazing faith and courage to boldly declare God's love to the world, activily with every breath. Someone somewhere has witnessed miracles, has changed the world. One of my desires is that I will meet many persons like that on the field, or anywhere. One of my fears is that once I have, I too will have to do more than just look over the edge of the cliff. And my biggest fear: I may not meet that person in time, so I might have to take the leap on my own and become that person. And my biggest truth: I already know that I can't wait to find a person like that. I know one already and he calls me already to be like him. Oh for a faith that will not shrink...
My call is now..., I will never be ready, I will never know enough, and I will never have perfect faith. But it has never been about me. God is ready, God is all-knowing, and God is faithful. So my call is merely to take the leap, blind as I am, and to never stop doing so.
Perhaps this is jumbled, but my heart felt like it would burst if I didnt find an outlet. Maybe some of it made sense to you. Have a great week all. God bless all your works.

Sunday, May 01, 2005

Small Town Charm

Well, Dead Week is here. My friends and I are fully immersed in last minute activities around town. For example the school talent show. The winners ended up being a group up 18 guys break dancing. (ahemm, i mean performing choreography,) I kept waiting for president Burkes to slap the sinner stickers on them and send them on down, or at least for our eyes to burn out of our head. Dancing is a sin here, surely the whole audience was impregnated by thier performance. Being Searcy there is very little in the way of entertainment and so we must find entertainment on our own. Some examples:

1.) Stealing the bricks from the walkways with the funniest names on them.

2.) Stealing the cafeteria dishes and silverware and then putting them out in properplace settings all over the floor outside of the presidents office.

3.) Playing the fruit game. Players must sucessfully steal the fruit displays from the cafeteria, the bigger the fruit, the higher the score. PIneapple is the highest you can achieve. ( hey it's 7 bucks per meal whether you eat their or not, i've more than payed for all that stupid fruit.)

4.) And finally, the prime form of entertainment, riding the dryer. It's only 25 cents and your garunteed 15 minutes of fun. The person who stays in the longest without getting sick wins.

The saddest thing is, I'm going to miss it and all my dryer riding, larsonistic friends.