Thursday, October 27, 2005

Chess


I had a really good day yesterday. And then I went and messed it up somehow. I think too much sometimes. I have this habit of always looking so many moves ahead like a massive chess game only did I mention I suck at chess? I don't do much better in life a lot of the time.
My school made all of its seventh graders participate in the "All-Star program". It's this drug prevention class, and there was this six week segment on decision making. Somebody should write them and let them know their class leaves much to be desired. Every thing was so cut and dried with them. Should I do drugs? hmmm... no, Yea! for me! I go to college, am a responsible adult and I don't die or fry my brain. Tough decision there. But decisions aren't that simple. And its so easy to neglect them with out realizing it. Everything happens so gradually you don't even realize it. And what about when the decision is not something you really want? Something that doesn't really hurt you, but you can't be too sure, can you? What ever happened to "peanut butter and jelly or tunafish?"

Thursday, October 20, 2005

Refreshed

O.K. perhaps many of you have noticed the tenor o my blog lately. I've been tired. I've felt weak. And most of all I've been lonely. I have so many amazing friends but I've been lonely. I have had so many struggles in my heart and no one to talk to. And no one to talk to about God. I go to a christian school and I don't feel comfortable discussing God with alot of people and the ones I might, are too busy.
Until tonight, I met the most amazing person, and I realized that a nap was not what I needed today. This person whom I have only met once who I knew little more then his name set aside an hour and a half and would have set aside longer if I hadn't had a meeting to go to, to talk to me about anything, but mostly about Christ. And he was a stranger to me. He didn't keep checking his watch, or glancing around, or getting distracted. He actually cared about what I had to say and he was willing to open up himself and I hadn't realized how much I've missed that. I had forgotten how loved you can feel if a person is just willing to bless you with their time. I didn't even have to talk much. I sat and listened alot and I've missed that, just hearing about someone's life, which I'd love to do more but everyone seems to busy for even that. I left feeling valuable for the first time in a while. I left feeling refreshed and encouraged, and it was only an hour and a half. God always seems to bring me what I need. God refreshes.

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

Through A Glass Darkly

"For now we see in a mirror dimly,
but then face to face.
Now I know in part;
then I shall know fully,
even as I have been fully known.
So faith, hope, and love abide,
these three;
but the greatest of these is love."
- 1 Cor 13:12-13
I nearly missed my campaign meeting tonight. Luckily my roomie called me and woke me up because I really needed to hear the devo. This verse has always been somewhat of an enigma to me, but I am beginning to understand it I think. I have been dreading that meeting all day. Chris and I haven't spoken for a week, when I see him I make a point to pretend he's not there, I don't want to be friends. But then, I hate my behavoir and it feels so childish, and I can't very well keep it up for our six week campaign trip this summer. It would be detrimental to our work there. Still I kept harboring this small hope he might have decided not to go. It was all I could do to keep from praying for it. But no, when I got to the meeting he was there. And while we pretended to not know each other I kept thinking about the other night when he was yelling at me and he said," I should just drop out of christian home, and the mission team and hey why not school, would that make things easier for you? Is that what you want?" And as I sat there I felt like beating my head against the table for not screaming ,"yes! That's how it was supposed to be anyway! It would be easier!Please! I'll even pay for your gas to get back home!" but instead I just sat on the other end of the phone while he continued ranting. But I know why I didn't say yes. Despite how much easier it would be for me, he needs this school, he needs christian home, and he needs this mission trip. God is so powerful and I know he has plans for him. And despite how much I struggle with feelings of loathing for him, I do truly want whats best for him.
But at the end of the day as I review this present situation; It sucks. I don't know what GOd has up his sleeve for me this summer. I do sometimes wonder if he finds amusement in these situations. I tend to find myself in a lot of uncomfortable ironic situations and I just wonder what he is thinking at that moment. I saw this campaign as a wonderful way to grow. I still do. But six weeks in a foreign country with Chris is torture, and as petty and spoilt as it is and sounds, it's not the way I want to grow. This past summer sucked alot because of my run ins with Chris, but at least then I never had to see him face to face. Six weeks is a long time. So... I don't know what God's plan in, usually I can accept that pretty easily. This time I'm actually terrified of finding out, because I have a sneaking suspicion that it will force me into cooperation with Chris. Or worse still, maybe it won't be revealed to me while I'm in New Zealand, maybe I will struggle with how I should act and behave the entire time and have to wait for years until I can see how God's plan worked. So i'm looking through a mirror dimly, I'm unsure of looking face to face at this. But ultimately what I can be sure about is that of the three virtues listed, love is the greatest, and I am commanded to love, and to love everyone. I never thought that would be difficult for me. Anyway, I called Chris and apologized for yelling at him the other night and for how everything ultimatly turned out. It went well. It's not much but it's a start.

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

GUYS ARE PIGS!!

Yeah, that about sums it up. I'm done! I've been looking for an answer and now I have it and I'm done! In my entire life I have never met someone who infuriates me so much as him! HE SITS THERE AND TREATS ME LIKE CRAP FOR PROMISING I'D NEVER DATE HIM AGAIN, HE TELLS ME HE'D DROP ANYTHING AND ANYONE FOR ANOTHER CHANCE, AND THE WHOLE TIME, THE WHOLE FREAKIN TIME, HE HAS A GIRLFRIEND! THAT...JERK! Don't misunderstand me, I am not hurt that he is with someone, though I do pity her because she's a sweet girl and can't even imagine what she just got herself into what pisses me off is how CHEAPLY he treats girls. ARRRGH I'M SO FRUSTRATED I COULD SCREAM. I'M DONE BEING OBJECTIFIED! I AM BEYOND DONE WITH HIM. HE CAN TAKE HIS LITTLE " WE SHOULD TAKE A FEW DAYS TO THINK ABOUT WHETHER WE SHOULD BE FRIENDS" CRAP AND SHOVE IT! CAUSE IT'S NOT HAPPENING! GAHHH! I JUST DON'T GET IT! CAN SOMEONE PLEASE EXPLAIN TO ME HOW SOMEONE CAN BE THAT SELFISH? I MEAN DOES THE GUY HAVE A CONSCIENCE ANYWHERE?

Sunday, October 16, 2005

How to Ruin a Relationship

1.) Not seeing a girl for who and what she truly is. (We don't want to be on a pedastool and we don't want to be treated like trash, we want to be accepted and acknowledged for who we are.)

2.) Expecting a girl to complete you. (A girl will not complete you; only God will, to ask her to be God is asking too much. Also a girl is not responsible for your happiness; you are.)

3.) Faking it. ( Don't pretend to be a christian or go to church or be a nice guy if your not, We will figure it out at somepoint and by then you won't have a chance.)

4.) Making her life yours. (Be a part of it yes, but it is not your life and while we appreciate your active participation in it, we want you to have your own life too. Don't "sacrifice" your dreams for ours, ours probably didn't include you when we made them anyway. Be your own person, not our fan club.)

5.) Pressuring a girl into commitment. (Why do you want to have to convince a girl to marry you, wouldn't you rather have her want to? If she's isn't ready to commit then do youself a favor and either learn to be patient or let the relationship go, she'll only resent you for pressuring her into more anyway.)

6.) Being disrespectful. (This includes everybody, our family, our friends, even strangers. Don't talk badly about our families, don't treat our friends harshly, don't yell, curse or lay a hand on us. We will hurt you! haha, j/k, kinda)

7.) Ignore her.( yeah go ahead, pretend we don't exist and we'll make it happen for you.)

8.) Don't trust her. (Allow us to have friends of the opposite sex, if we are dating you then obviously we aren't looking for anyone else. Also believe how much we care about you. There is very little more discouraging than continuously having to convince someone you want to be with them)

9.) Don't listen to her. (This doesn't mean you have to agree with everything we say, but you can still respect our opinions and considr them fairly.)

10.) Be dishonest. (You want to kill a relationship quick? Lie to us and even better drag our friends into lying to us for you. Don't decieve us and have somefaith that we might just be understanding.)

I know that this is directed at things a guy does wrong in a relationship and I'm sorry that its so one-sided but I'm writing from what I know; a girls perspective.

Saturday, October 15, 2005

Girls Night!

Yea! Midterms are over! My tetnus shot is over! The boys who have been bothering me are gone! (At least for the weekend) And its been a girls weekend!
I was so stressed this week. I've felt like a zombie. My last midterm was half of my term project and I only had two days to do it and I was so stressed. It was due at 5 on friday and I finished it at 4:50. So my roomie and I, (Have I mentioned that I have the most amazing room-mate ever? well I do) we went to every computer lab on campus and all of them were closed or were not compatable with floppy discs. So I couldn't print the second half of my term paper. By 5:15 my roomie ran accross campus to her brothers house while I ran to the bible building to see if the Professor was still there. He was but I only had half my paper and I was so stressed at having only had four days notice that I was to complete half my term project for my midterm, and so frustrated at having spent all day quite literally in the library only to have to turn the thing in late that I handed Dr. Alexander the half I did have and then burst into tears. It was so humiliating, and his eyes got really big. I don't think he's one of those guys who handles tears well. He asked if I'd like to sit down and if I was ok and I just started crying harder and tried to explain everything but it all came out in a rush. Have I mentioned that I'm not a graceful crier? Some girls can look so pretty when they cry, I'm not one of them. My face gets all blotchy and my nose runs and turns red. Anyway, its not a pretty sight. Dr. Alexander commented that I must've really been pushing the deadline and I just started crying harder. He looked really uncomfortable about that and told me to just get the paper to him whenever and he wouldn't dock me any points and that everything was going to be o.k. Candy brought me the rest of me paper a few minutes later and I gave it to him and he must've still been pretty uncomfortable about me crying because he said he really appreciated my hard work and looked forward to reading my paper.
We had girls night lastnight and tonight. We made s'mores and watched movies and generally just goofed off. I spelt until 12:40 today and it was so nice. I really needed it. For the first time in my life I actually have a lot of girls as friends and I'm really enjoying it. Candy and i are planning a spring break trip with some of our girl friends. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate all my guy friends, but its nice to hang out just with the girls and contrary to popular belief, we do not talk about guys the whole time.

Friday, October 14, 2005

Through the Gates of Splendor

We watched that tonight. Elizabeth Elliot has been one of my heroes growing up. I've read any book of hers I could get my hands on, because she was a missionary and especially because she was a woman. This is a documentary of her experiences in Ecuador where her husband and four of her friends husbands were killed by an Indian tribe. This tribe was notoriously dangerous and while the missionary men took guns, they said they would not use them even if they were attacked because they were ready for heaven but the indians were not. Due to a misunderstanding all five were speared to death. What amazes me about Elizabeth is that while her parents offered to have her come home and help raise the children, she refused because she had long before committed herself to God as a missionary. It would have been so easy to simply go home, no one would blame her. Hadn't she already sacrificed enough? And what about the children? But instead she stayed and more than that, a little while later she went to live among the same people who killed her husband. The tribe would not kill a woman for just entering their camp. She andanother woman lived among the people and helped convert them to Christ. The tribe used to murder all the time without a second thought. Everyone in the tribe had lost a relative to a spearing. The tribe killed anyone who caused a disturbance or made someone angry. After they were converted they stopped killing. Her faith floors me. How do you walk into a tribe that killed your husband? How can you take your children into that? But all of them loved eachother. They knew and loved the men who killed her husband. Her children were baptized by two men who helped lead the attack. The deaths of those five men brought so many people to God. I can't help but think that they would have wanted things to end that way. If She had known all that would happen before she left college would she still have gone? God used a woman to reach these people, their first preacher was a woman. (relax, I'm not condoning women leading, but when its all you have...) There is a place on the field for women. God can use even a woman for his purposes. Why do so many doubt that?
If you haven't seen this movie then you should definatly rent it. There are so many things in it that will make your head spin. I can barely imagine what it must've been like for Elizabeth the first time she visited the grave where her husband and firends were buried in the settlement; to meet her husbands murderers. But I think the part the pierced my heart the most was a parallel between the "savages" and americans. Because while I watched the indians talk about killing thats what I thought of them:savages. But then I saw the pictures of knifings, and one indians shock at colombine and bombings and I wanted to cry because I realized, thats what we are:savages. Thats us too. That's me. And in my ignorance I assume I am so much better than other peoples. That my way is right simply because it is mine. I am shallow and selfish and apathetic and every bit as undeserving of God's grace as the natives Elliot administered to if not more so. And I feel crushed because I recognized myself, and I hate what I see. And i'm so thankful for God's salvation and the love he brings to us. Really you should see the movie.

Thursday, October 13, 2005

Ever Feel Like Your Body's Out to Get You?

Cause min'es giving me a run for the money. I hate midterms week. I used to be so good at tests, I think I've developed test anxiety. Actually it may just be lack of sleep. I haven't slept well the past 3 or 4 nights. I just can't seem to fall asleep and stay that way. I went to bed at 2 last night and fell asleep at three. I had some pretty gory dreams. I hate blood. I really do and I finally woke up at 4 in a cold sweat from really bad stomach pains. I got up and threw up blood. go figure. I tried to go back to bed but my stomach didn't stop hurting till about 30 till 8. I couldn't fall back asleep. So the alarm goes off and the second I sit up my nose starts bleeding. So I go and take care of that. I take out my retainer and my teeth start bleeding, so I have to take care of that. By the time my body has decided to give it a rest I just crawl back in bed and skip chapel. I woke up at 11 and go to the student center to study for my greek midterm with a friend. I was late going to bed last night because my ex was being a complete jerk. I'm done with him. I haven't wanted to hit some one so badly in years. Anyway I haven't had the sunniest outlook on most guys today. While I'm waiting for my friend to show up I hear a guy at the table next to me say" Whoa! Check out her butt!" about some girl walking by and then he starts to make fun of her. I can't even imagine how livid my face must have looked but I just turned and stared at him. The guy shuts up immediatly and apologizes very quickly to me and his guy friends and says he shouldn't have been so rude. I hadn't even realized I'd been glaring. He and his friends got up and left after that. If I'd known that that was all it would take to make the 8 of them leave I might've tried it sooner. They were really noisy.
So I went to my greek midterm early. I laid my head on the table because I was really tired by this point and the guy sitting next to me keeps shaking my shoulder and chanting wake up Kacey! we have a greek midtem in ten minutes! (Thankyou Captian Obvious! What would I do without you to remind me why I'm sitting in this freakin room?) I really wasn't in a touchy feely sort of mood. He must've noticed I wasn't entirely enthusiastic about his antics cause he said"bet you're sorry you decided to sit by me now huh?" It took about every ounce of energy I had left to hold back what went through my mind right then. Anyway I did very very badly on my midterm. I'm not sure why. I knew all the info. I just went blank when he put the test in front of me. I was nearly in tears after the test, so I didn't stay long to talk to my friends about it. I went to a bridge here on campus for a while and felt at least a bit more peaceful.
I'm really tired but I don't want to go to sleep. I would like to go to the library and type my 6 page paper thats due tomorrow, but we are keeping some girls here this weekend and one of them is sick and needs to be watched so I'll have to wait. Oh and a quick sidenote before I go, Dad, if you get an email from Chris, do not reply to it. I am handling this situation. As far as Chris goes, he is just one big bad dream, and I;m awake now, so there is no sense in dwelling on it. If everyone just ignores him, including me, I think things will get a lot better. Or keying that stupid blue pick-up of his that he's so in love with; that might make me feel better. j/k, ...

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

Law of Equalities

Thats what I should be studying right now for my statistics midterm but let me give you an application for it. My day in a nut-shell:a very good bad day.

Good:
1.) Found out my Stats midterm was not today
2.) B.S.ed my way through my christian home midterm
3.) Did my greek home work instead of studying for my Church Planting midterm
4.) BSed my way thru church planting midterm
5.) Got to eat with Nikki and Nicole and a bunch of other peoples
6.) Was promised some money for my mission trip
7.) Got a chance to sit in the park and really talk with my roomie
8.) Cleared up some problems with my Ex

Bad:
1.) Overslept and missed my 8 o clock
2.) Used the extra time from skipping stats to eat a slice of half cooked pizza and got sick
3.) Remembered I had greek homework due today
4.) Found out I need a tetnus shot
5.) Found out that the nurses office gives free tetnus shots
6.) Haven't had a chance to study for my greek midterm tommorow
7.) EX BOYFRIEND JOINED MY MISSION TEAM (need I comment?)
8.) Had to take a really long detour to my dorm because I was intercepted by a skunk. I hate this state

So what kind of day is this exactly? I did get Blue LIke Jazz today, i've been waiting for that book forever. *sigh* too tired to think anymore

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

Tri-Kappa

In an earlier post I mentioned briefly my frustrations with my social club, Tri-Kappa. Yeah laugh it up. I've already heard all the KKK jokes. We aren't like that, though I did hear we used to make our pledges dress in solid white during pledge week so maybe we were at one time? I hope not. I'm not really a social club sort of girl. I like the social aspect somewhat and I have been trying to gain more girls as friends this year and it helps with that, but really for the most part I feel like I'm paying my club to depress me.
I never pledged, and I wish I had now because I think it instills a greater sense of unity and loyalty in the club, but the club was dying so they opened it up to anyone who would join last semester. Me and two other of my friends joined. We were really excited and had all these plans for encouraging growth and being active in the club. We should have been more suspicious when we all immediately received officer positions. What we didn't realize was how discouraged the club already was, no one is excited, and no one wants to work, and there is a horrible imbalance of power. No one wants to do service projects, or perform their duties as an officer, which the higher powers in our club quickly take on so as to retain more power and then whine and moan about all they have to do. They are good however at giving out grunt work to the lower officers. So we feel frustrated and discouraged and overworked. Having grown up a preachers kid I saw a lot of church politics growing up and I realty hated it, club politics work the same way.
So my friends and I started planning again. It's been one big battle between us and the senior members of our club who don't consider any of the rest of the club as actual sisters, just pledges they can run into the ground. Every idea we seem to come up with they shoot down almost immediately. I've tried sending out notes of encouragement to other club members but I really didn't feel like they did any good. A social club shouldn't be like this. Anyway, bottom line, up until last night I felt like quitting or praying for the club to die already so I can jump to a new one.
Last night though was our first good meeting in a long while. I saw 7 or 8 of us "lower level" club members start volunteering to help and actually fulfilling the duties that came with our office and I was greatly encouraged. The seniors will graduate and we will be the ones who have to keep the club going and so eventually there will be room for growth. We voted for homecoming rep. Last night. They made the four of us nominees leave the room while they voted. Our treasurer, ex-activities director, service project director, and I were nominated. I was the only officer who wasn't self-nominated. Our treasurer was supposed to be it last year but she got tricked out of it my another club member who wanted it and is still very bitter about it. Personally, I don't really care for the whole thing. Logically it seems a very ridiculous position because all you do is go before the student body in a formal during chapel (which for those of you who know me, know would not be an enjoyable event for me, I hate getting in front on an audience and especially in a dress), then going before the student body again at the Homecoming game in a business suit (of which I do not posses, and again, large crowds and a skirt) (this is more up Kara's alley, she can pull something like this off, I can't) Plus, Tri-Kappa's rep won't win, we have a bad reputation and are a running joke around school here because of our name. Well we went back into the room and our treasurer won, she's who I would have voted for. She's been in the club for four years and is very dedicated. It was nice to have been nominated. But I was glad not to have had to go through all that mess. I asked Rach and Nicole not to vote for me and they said they didn't, but Rach just called and told me that I actually did win the position last night, but our president called for a revote and told the club since its the treasurers last year they should vote for her, so they were only half lying when they said they didn't vote for me. Its nice to know that your liked though. Now I'd feel like crap if I quit or jumped. Maybe I'll stick things out, it seemed like people were trying last night. I hate quitting anyway. Goodness, if My friend Tasha could see me now, wearing pink and joining social clubs...I'm so ashamed. LOL

Monday, October 10, 2005

Happy Columbus Day!

I'm in the library and I'm supposed to be writing campaign letters but I don't know what to write. They say raising money for a mission trip is the easiest part but I don't think i agree. It takes alot of faith to trust that you will get the funds. I don't doubt God's ability, just people's. I am going to the south island of New Zealand this summer for six weeks. We will be working with an area called Christstown. I am really excited. I have to raise 2800 dollars and get a new passport and possibly shots. I really hope I don't have to get shots. I have to have 1000 dollars by december 1 I think and the rest by March. Anyway, dad, feel free to give me a call if you have any tips on how to write these letters. I have to get 100 out before thanksgiving.
It's midterms week! everyone is really stressed right now and the library is packed. Despite all this I have actually had a great day. Which is odd considering I cried for a bit last night. I have been praying for a change that I knew had to happen at some point, but maybe I wasn't too sure I wanted to deal with, if that makes any sense. One of those decisions you know is for the best but that doesn't make change any less scary. Well anyway God answered it for me last night. It took me from one situation where I wasn't quite sure where I stood with a person to knowing where I stand but not knowing what will happen. I hate not knowing. But I can deal with the second situation better than the first. There is no more confusion and possibly a better propensity for growth. So I'm happy. I've had a very blessed day. Its been one of those days where nothing seems to get to me. I passed a girl on the sidewalk today and even though she seemingly hates me I smiled at her anyway. Of course she didn't smile back, looked disdainful in fact, but she also looked a bit disconcerted and that seemed really funny to me, and for some reason it didn't bother me at all. Who knows? I have two more years here, surely at some point she'll feel ridiculous or acting like that when I'm making an effort. I really am very blessed.
hmm... They are closing the library in 15 minutes. Hey guess what wheezers? my friends and I have been practicing for the football game and I think we're doing pretty good. Candy wants to make t-shirts and wear face paint. I'm proud of her new-found dedication to the team thats bound to win this year. Gabe is excited too but he refuses to let Candy and I shout "go team" after a huddle. He says footballers don't do that but i'm inclined to believe he's making that up. He's a soccer player not a football player. Geezers beware! (sidenote: has anyone noticed the lack of loyalty on the women geezers part? I have yet to see them play for years now. What's up with that?)
My current soap box: Guys being territorial. I don't really consider myself a feminist. I mean compared to Kara I'm not so bad. But lately my ex has taken to calling me "baby" around guys he thinks are hitting on me. Personally, I don't care if it turns the other guys off, I don't want to date right now and if he is willing to get rid of them for me, more power to him! However, I strongly object to his being so informal with me. i am not his girlfriend. I am not dating him. he has no right to "lay a claim" on me like that. ARrrghh Library's closing. I guess i'll think of a way to fix this some other time. No dad, pepper spray is not an option

Sunday, October 09, 2005

Deferred Dreams

My last segment in AP English was our poetry segment. Our teacher focused most of our works on "Who am I?" things and "Dreams". It was actually my favorite part of the two years I spent in her class. (No I didn't fail, its just 2-a schools can't afford for a teacher only to teach one class. I had her for three) There were 16 kids in that class and we all got pretty close because you had to share all of your work with your classmates. I'm glad we had the Who Am I segment before we left for college. It didn't necessarily answer that question for us but it did teach us a lot about ourselves. I'd gone to school with all of those kids since kindergarten and it wasn't until that segment that I really got an in depth view of some of them. Everyone in that class showed up for John Hicks funeral.
Anyway, recently I've been thinking a lot on domestic missions and what I would do if I decide to stay stateside. I've always had this dream in the back of my head that I never gave much consideration because wanting to do missions always came first. But I now may have the opportunity to do both and I'm getting a bit excited. I don't know that I've ever really told anyone but maybe Tasha and Kara about it just because it seemed, I don't know, silly maybe? Usually I just disregard it and stuff it in the back of my mind. But I've been looking for schools for it today. It may be a bit harder than I realized. The school in the location I was looking at won't send me information because "they aren't accepting from my location at this time". What does that mean? There isn't one school for it in Arkansas. There are three in Texas, but one of my goals in high school was getting out of Texas and not going to school there if I could help it. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad to have grown up in Texas but there are times, (ex: talking with some of my guy friends in high school after 911, all of them were going out and enlisting, and saying comments like,"I'm going to go kill me some Iraqis!" or "What is the United Nations?" and I just wanted to smack them) (don't even get me started on the Iraqi bit, does anyone remember who actually drove those plains into the towers?!!!!) well anyway, there are times I'd like to leave oz for a while and broaden my horizons a little. So that's where I am. But I plan to keep after this school want to keep my options open. No, I'm probably not going to tell you what it is, but feel free to guess, I might say yes if you get it right.
You all have probably noticed my family's die hard Bush/Republican loyalty. While I uphold some republican beliefs, I probably lean more towards the democratic side. Which might explain some of my frustration in high school. I think tasha and I were the only two democrats there. ( I'm actually more middle of the road but in my town you're either with Bush completely or you're a democrat)

Tuesday, October 04, 2005

Invisible

So...I cut my hair off yesterday. 14 inches of it. 12 to locks of love. 2 to even it out and style it. I've never had hair this short before. It's at my chin. I actually felt like crying while the stylist chopped off my pony tail. Lucas and Candy came with me and read Harry Potter to me and did the voices and everything to cheer me up. Candy chose a new hair style for me. So here I am. As of so far only 5 of my friends have recognized me. Two of them are Lucas and Candy. Everyone else walks right by me, even if I say hi. and the ones who hear me turn around and spend like thirty seconds looking for said thier name while I'm standing right in front of them the whole time. Everyone says they like it but I think its a bit too drastic. Anthony and Jeremy, two friends of mine that I've known my entire life looked directly at me and still didnt recognize me. they just kept walking and they always say hi if they see me. My ex boyfriend of 7 months talked for 5 minutes with some of his friends looked at me 7 times and then finally stopped and squinted and decided it was me. So now I'm hiding in my room because people either dont see me at all or make a big deal out of it when they do. I actually really appreciated it when my friend Mary saw me didnt look shocked or mention it all. I didn't feel so much like a freak show. I can't wait till things start to get normal again.