Wednesday, November 30, 2005

People Watching

I was walking into the bible building today when a guy opened the door fo me. Usually I wouldn't notice him much more than that, except his cell phone went off. Even that in itself isn't unusual, but what I really loved about this guy is that he never answered his phone. It was a hiphop song, and he just let it ring, and ring, and ring... When he walked by the missions lounge 15 minutes later it was still playing. This guy walks around with his own theme music, and something about that really makes me happy. He kinda bops his head as he walks with the beat, its like something from a bad teen movie. I think it would be alot of fun if everyone walked around to their own theme music for a day.

People who do funny things like that I have a sick fascination for. I know another guy who took an astronomy class this semester for the sole purpose of impressing girls with his knowledge. He's failing it.

I took my roomie to get her hair cut over break. Gabe and I were sitting on the benches u front waiting for her with a hispnaic gentleman. He asked Gabe if he was Irish. Then he asked me if I was English or Scottish, (I'm both). he hairdresserr nearest him asked him if that was a hobby of his and he said no, it was a gift, he could tell the future. (How my future told him what ethnicity I am I still haven't figured out but it made sense to him) He told the hair dresser ,"For example, you are going to marry a bald proffesor and end up working here still after your divorce." I couldn't help it, I started cracking up. The hair dresser just glared at him. I really wanted to ask the man what he thought my future was but I didn't want to offend him with my skepticism. He turned to Gabe and I next anyway. He said he sensed some very close bond between us. Ironically, gabe and I were both wearing our brown student impact shirts that day. The man said we were either brother and sister or romantically involved. I started cracking up again and Gabe looked really nervously at Candy as though she might buy into what the old man was saying. I told the guy we were neither, just friends. The old man snorted and said," Just friends... deny it all you want missy but you know you want him, I know, I see these things." I really started to lose it then. Gabe started muttering things under his breathe, he does that alot, and I turned to him and said,"Well I wasn't going to say anything just yet but, Gabe..." Gabe went solid red, right then Candy walked up and we left. Gabe changed shirts the minute we got home. I really like people like that who aren't afraid of others people opinions and who believe in themselves. Plus they make like a lot less boring.

Monday, November 28, 2005

Home Sick?

It's been a really great day. I'm really tired now cause I didn't get much sleep last night due to a term paper, but up until about 3 hours ago I was doing pretty good on energy. I started to get a bit sad though ( i really should just go to bed but I hate going to bed so early, it's just the principle of it), I miss my friends from back home. I wish I could have seen them more. One in particular. My friend Shad was supposed to be up here with me this week. But our plans fell apart at the last minute, literally, He was standing outside the car about to climb in when the girl who was covering for him for work decided she didn't want to. Talk about dissapointment. I'd been trying not to think about it so much today, but it was getting really hard.

And then he signed on to AIM which is wierd cause he doesn't have the internet anymore. He told me he'd been thinking of me then called later to sing me a song before bed. (Wierd tradition of ours) But it's crazy how God blesses me with little things like that, it really cheered me up alot. Shad's a good friend and he always seems to know when I'm a little down and even better he always knows how to make me laugh. Here's an old picture of him back in his "skater" phase. He never smiles in his pictures because his grandma told him he looks dorky so he always does these silly male model expressions.

Sunday, November 27, 2005

Catching Up

I got to hang out with my friend Quentin last night. I've missed him terribly. He and I both brought some friends from school and then met up with some old high drumline buddies to go bowling. It was a big group and a lot of fun but frustrating in that all Quentin and I really wanted to do was go somewhere and talk and catch up. All we ended up with was huddling together and whispering every once and a while, which slows conversation somewhat.

Quentin was a life saver for me in highschool. We had a pretty bumpy start. He was my drumline captain and I hated him. He made me do push ups when I showed up late for practice and I made a point of telling him how conceited he was. Everyday was a constant battle between us. Then on one of our drumline trips he came put his pillow in my lap and laid down. I spent 30 minutes debating whether I should just shove him one the floor, but everyone was watching in shock and I chickened out. I couldn't figure it out for the life of me. Later after the competition he sat back down by me and said life sucks. And just started pouring his heart out to me. To this day I'm not sure why he did it, we talked for the next4 hours straight and have been best friends ever since. He's not afraid to hurt my feelings, he always tells me the truth and I love that about him. I know that even if I haven't spoken with him in a while that nothing will be different with us when we do finally talk again.

When I saw him last night he asked if I felt wierd with him and I said no. He said he felt like I was different. I asked if if it was a good different or a bad one. He said bad. (see, completely honest.)I asked what it was and he said he didn't know. We sat there in silence for a bit and then i said,"fake?" And he said,"Yeah, exactly." I said," I know, i've felt fake alot lately and I'm not sure whats wrong with me, I just don't feel like dealing with people anymore, used to I wanted to understand them, now I just want them to leave me alone." He said cryss started being fake around him before they stopped being friends. I told him i wasn't checking out on him, and I reminded him that he changed for a while in college. He said yeah, but I was going through alot of stuff back then. I asked him to be patient cause I was going through alot of stuff right now. I told him I'd come back in a little bit. He smiled and gave me a hug. He's a good friend. I know he'll be there waiting for me when I snap out of this.

It was nice to have someone else notice it. I either have alot of superficial friendships or I'm very good at being something i'm not. Used to, if I wasn't happy then I didn't smile. That isn't to say I'm unhappy now. As a whole, I've been happy alot lately, but when I'm alone I just feel hollow. And when I really start to think, well its not good.

Saturday, November 26, 2005

Happy Thanksgiving!

Well, I guess its actually past thanksgiving, but its been a truly wonderful break. I was a little irritable coming down because of this stupid christian home project I had to do with my parents but it wasn't so bad and thanksgiving is the best holiday of the year in my family. I brought two friends home with me and it was alot of fun. Mostly because they thought my town was small. But we have thanks giving in Lohn,TX. All you will find out there are cotton fields and cows. My whole extended family meets there in my great grandma's tiny ancient house. It still uses a gas stove and gas space heaters to warm the place. In the summer there is a swamp cooler but my Mema says that thats a real treat because it wasn't there when she grew up. You have to be careful too cause there are spiders all over that place. I only saw one brown recluse this year though. My friends refused to take a shower there the three days we were there because there were spiders all over the ceiling in the shower. Funny how I never saw that as unusual till they said something. It's always just been like that. We had a massive dinner, a benefit of sharing your holiday with so many friends and family and then went accross the road to the school for the annual wheezer/geezer football game. The school has a six man football team so the football field is nothing fancy, what most schools would consider a practice field but its perfect for us.

May I take this time to say that once again the geezers took unfair advantage of us and stole some of our players. So despite the fact that they won 7-2, it should be noted that 3/5 of their team were wheezers/traitors.

It was a great thanksgiving. I love that town and I have the most amazing family. My dad showed me and my friends the old church. We just walked right in because no one locks anything in that town. Candy even left her purse on the top of Gabe's car for a couple of hours because you don't have to worry about anyone stealing it. the vast majority of the town reside in the graveyard anyway. Oh yeah and the Longhorns beat A&M!

I've had a chance to see Tasha, Quentin, Shad,Wes even, and so many other amazing people. It's been a great reminder of how much I truly do have to be thankful for. I hope everyone's thanksgiving has been great as well. Love you guys

Friday, November 18, 2005

Revenge of the Fuzzy Maggots

My roomie and I stayed a day later at school cause she's the R.A. for our hall and has to wait for everyone to leave. Consequently we were left to take out the trash, do the dishes, and clean the fridge out because our suite mates have already left. I will never eat again. I can not adequetly describe the pungeant odors, bright splashes of color, and array of textures we experienced tonight. We are taking a break right now to settle our stomachs. As of yet its not really helping.
We had 15 containers to open and check. We've been dreading this all semester. Everyone kept hoping someone else might do it. Candy and I lost. We started out with noodles, candy covered her face with her shirt while I opened the lid. Imagine very fuzzy tarantula legs, only not quite as black. Candy screamed and started wretching. Quite literally shrieked. I nearly dropped the container. We would've been done for. Then we moved on to the rice. I hate rice. I now have another reason. If not for the horrid smell it might not have been so bad, but it looked alot like purple and yellow fuzzy maggots. Candy hates maggots, worms, etc... Her eyes watered and the dry heaves started up again. Purple and yellow are complementary colors aren't they? We moved on to macaroni, what once might have been beans, cheese sauce, onion, and alfredo. i opened and cleaned the containers while Candy febreezed everything. Then we got to the sprouts. My first week of school here I bought ingredients for vegetarian sandwhiches. Well Candy likes to organize. She moved my sprouts to the very back of the fruit drawer, someone covered the container with a sack of apples. I had no idea they were still in existance. I nearly cried when I lifted the sack of apples. We trashed the container. You couldn't pay me enough to open it. We went through 13 of the fifteen containers and I have a pretty strong stomach so I was doing o.k. Until the 14. Gravy. It had broken down. Gravy has a lot of milk in it. Have I mentioned my fear of milk? I will only drink it if:

1.) I bought it or am very close to the person who did. ( I need to know when and where it was bought.)
2.) It has to be 2 %. Skim is too thin, and whole is so thick it makes me want to gag.
3.) It has to be 4 days before the sell by date. You can never be too careful with this stuff.
4.) It can't be at the top of the carton. Those little white crusty things fall from the cap into the top portion of milk.
5.) It can't be remotely close to lukewarm.
6.)It can't be from the bottom of the carton. That means its been around for a while and those white crusty things will have settled at the bottom.
7.) It can't be from someone else's house. I wouldn't have had a chance to monitor it.

So we got to the gravy. Which had soured. I nearly threw up right there, and I can't throw up right now or my esophogus might start bleeding again. I closed my eyes and held my breath and now I am back safely in my room. There is a good possibility I will have nightmares about it. Can't wait to get out of here.

Monday, November 14, 2005

Happy 60th Birthday Tri-Kappa

So... I guess I was right in worrying that this whole Alyssa mess might tear the club to shreds. Tri-Kappa voted to dis-band tonight after a 2/3 majority vote. There wasn't much of a choice, the older members pretty much had decided it for us. hey are trying to have the whole club jump to omega lambda chi to help save them before they die (because we are so good at that). They didn't feel that they should allow us "other" members to have a chance to save it since we never officially pledged. There is just to much disunity in the club (gee I wonder where thats coming from.) It occured to me that the "ghost" pledge class of 05 will never be accepted as real members. Think I'll go burn my jersey now.

Sunday, November 13, 2005

HAD I the heavens’ embroidered cloths,

Enwrought with golden and silver light,

The blue and the dim and the dark cloths

Of night and light and the half light,

I would spread the cloths under your feet:
But I, being poor, have only my dreams;

I have spread my dreams under your feet;

Tread softly because you tread on my dreams.
I've been reading alot of Yeats lately. Actually i've been reading alot on anything I can think of. took a break from reading Senior year of high school and never quite got back into it. I've read a few books here and there but not like I used to. I know that must sound wierd "taking a break from reading" but trust me it was for my betterment. I tend to retreat too far into myself.
I took a long walk last night with my friend Brandon. It was raining and I really like the rain. It was nice to listen to him talk. I realized that I am torn alot of times between trying to figure out whats wrong with me and completely ignoring that to focus on other people. Which one is right? I think I already know. I want to feel healthy again. I want to feel whole and rested. And I want to be able to serve people. To make my friends feel healthy and whole and loved. But how do I do that when I don't know how to be that myself? I think that my challenge is to try and make my friends feel that way when I feel so broken down. Maybe they see God loving them more clearly through my brokeness. I really love the people here at Harding. They are wonderful and I have so many amazing friends. I can see God in them and talk to them about him. I always felt like there was that one barrier between my best friend back home and me. We could talk about anything but God. I have always wanted the people I love to love each other, I want them to see how wonderful they all are, but maybe thats the idealist in me, because its always proven itself much more difficult in practice. I'm going nowhere with this. Time to go.


This weekend has been great! I really needed the rest. And last night God answered one of my prayers that i've been praying for a long time and I'm really excited about it.
I was feeling really discouraged this past week, but things are getting better and I can't wait for the break. Tri-Kappa will be just fine, classes will turn out o.k Well I've got a ton of homework. Can't wait to see you guys!

Friday, November 11, 2005

So Pledge week is finally over. Thats probably been the best part of this week. I've had enough club bonding/unity to last me a life time. I hate unresolved anything. I've spent the past three days with this one thing eating at me. I suck at communicating I think. I've felt taken for granted and worthless lately, for no good reason perhaps, who knows? But I didn't communicate that well if at all. I made a friend rather upset with me. Upset enough that they left the conversation without saying bye, goodnight, anything. So I thought I would give them some space until they actually wanted to talk to me again. Only its been three days, and I've begun to realize that maybe I really am worth very little to them. And that sucks because I've missed them and they haven't even noticed I haven't been around. Or else they have and don't care. Does it really matter which ever one it is?
On a lighter note, I have made some amazing new friends, got to know some old ones better, and yeah my club has been rough this week, we ended up with only one pledge, Alyssa. We lost the other four, and one member is going inactive, 2 are graduating, and 2 more are going inactive next year. There are rumors all over campus about Tri-Kappa disbanding. There will only be ten of us members next semester. During "rough" night tonight I wondered if fighting for Alyssa's bid was really the best thing to do. It nearly killed our club. BUt I think we are stronger for it, more unified, we made a rough decision and lost people for it, but so what? We weeded out the faint-hearted, the quitters. They were just dead weight anyway, and now we have 10 very dedicated, very weary, but very close girls. And you need a good foundation like that to build on. Alyssa showed me her pledge book tonight; she had to turn it in. The last question was who is your role model here on campus. It reminded me that there are always people watching you whether you realize it or not. That you have to do the right thing even if that means destroying something you love. It means as christians we have a lot of responsibility. I hate that. It terrifies me because I know who I am, who I want to be. And I know I can never live up to other people's expectations. But I serve an amazing God, and the power of his grace and love never disapoints.

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

Hell Week

I am beginning to understand why public schools call their pledge week this. I know that its not as bad here at a christian school, but I'm not even pledging and this has been one of the crappiest weeks ever.
I missed gilmore girls. I didn't even care that I did. I forgot it was even on. Thats how crazy everything's been. I am down to 20 meals on my meal plan so I figure that leaves me five meals a week for the next four school weeks. In the meantime I have plenty of crackers and green beans to tide me over. I lost a check for 200 dollars which means no groceries and no passport. I'm stressed out with my club. I was harsh with one of my best friends and fellow tri-kappa members for trying to quit. I felt so bad I came back to my dorm sobbing, went straight to my closet shut the door and continued crying for a while. my amazing roomie opened the closet door once to give me some hot chocolate and then shut it again. ( luckily I waited up for my friend and apologized and everything's good now) One of my good friends from home was supposed to come up her last week, but he didn't. Didn't even call. I've been going crazy trying to figure out what was wrong because he should have been here. I kept calling but his cell had been disconnected and he would never let that happen. He finally called yesterday and told me he just got out of jail, he'd been there for a week and a half cause he couldn't pay bail. I wish more than anything I could have been there for him. He lost his job because he missed work while he was in jail. How does someone go missing for a week and a half and have no one notice. WHat kind of friends does he have? What kind of room mates. And what a pathetic family. He didn't even bother calling them cause he didn't know that they wouldnt just leave him there. The charges were finally dropped cause he hadn't actually done anything. I was the first person he called. I should've been there. He's never once complained outright about me going so far away. I was selfish to do so. HE's a very good friend and I hate not being there when he needed me. I went to the doctor for this nasty infection on my skin. I never understood the term festering until this week. He thinks it is in the same family as poison ivy but he's never seen this before. Its never good when your doctor pokes the bubbly rubbery excuse for skin on your leg, shudders, and then quickly turns to wash his hands. It's spreading too. I found it on my other leg this morning. And it hurts. All up and down my leg. He weighed me and I've lost 4 pounds since last monday, so I got the whole "you need to avoid stress" lecture. He's probably right but what can I do? Drop out of college? So I want to put the weight back on, but then I remember, I only have 20 meals left. I haven't been at this weight since my freshmen year of high school. The doctor prescribed a steroid cream and didn't charge me for the visit. But I don't have money for the prescription so I've been using hydrocortisone. But its still spreading! I got mad at one of my friends for something really stupid last night, it didn't get resolved and I didn't sleep. I haven't slept much this week really. So I came back to my room for a quick nap after chapel and slept through three of my classes, then missed my fourth because I realized I hadn't registered for classes for the spring yet. Since I was late registering for classes I couldn't get into the ones I needed, so I had to go get an advisor.
And finally things started looking up. I have a great advisor now, and a good schedule for the spring. My mom sent me money today so I can go get that prescription filled. And my club voted last night to give Alyssa her bid back. We lost three pledges because of it, and one member (the one who was mad at her for dating the beau). But we did the right thing. And I'm glad that, for the most part, that mess is over. My friend from home called me tonight and said his work let him have his job back. He's coming up here with me after thanksgiving break, which will be amazing. I miss him so much. I can't wait for thanksgiving break. I miss my family and I want to make sure that Dad is taking care of himself and not working all the time. (hint hint) I love you guys. Hope to see some of you very soon.

Monday, November 07, 2005

The Countdown

I talked to Alyssa last night. I just thought that maybe somebody ought to at least tell her she didn't ge a bid. When I saw her the first thing she asked was if I'd brought her her bid. I explained to her what happened, and asked her if she still wanted to be in our club. For some crazy reason she still really does. She said she wanted to fight this if there was still a chance. I'm a real coward I think, part of me really wanted to cop out and explain how fighting this might destroy the entire club, but then I figured, so what?, what am I fighting so hard to save?there shouldn't be a club that acts like that. I'd rather have moral standards. So I told her that i'd help her, and that Rach and Chole would too. Its great having friends that you know will back you up without you having to ask. The minute I told them I was going to contest it with her they both jumped in.
We decided to talk to out president first before going over her head. Which I knew would be difficult because our president is intimidated by rach and nicole and I for some reason. Nicole I can kinda understand, she intimidates me sometimes lol. But we knew she'd get really defensive.
We asked the VP to stay as well so that she wouldn't feel so much like we were ganging up on her. The minute Charlotte asks what it is we want however, Rach and Nicole both point at me. I should point out that of the three of us I am the most quiet, and I am terrified of girls. Especially these girls. The entire day had just been one big reminder of why I have so many more guy friends than girlfriends. Nicole and Rach never shut-up. Until now apparently. The Pres kept justifying what she had done and we kept going in circles so finally I told her I didn't really care why she handled things the way she did, it was wrong, and I would not be a part of a club that conducted themselves like that. Then Rach pipes up with how all three of us were considering turning in our jerseys. Suddenly the Pres and VP were a lot more understanding. Actually I've gained alot more more respect for our VP. They both pologized for how things were handled, promised to tak to the dean and Alyssa and try to sort things out. Hopefully Alyssa will recieve her bid tonight, or else she will be given a bid from another club and may jump to ours later in the spring, or worst case scenario, she still won't be allowed in to any because it was too late. OUr VP asked if they did try to rectify this would we be willing to stay in the club. I didn't answer, despite my new-found respect for those two, I don't really trust them quite yet. I wanted to see how much they really would try to fix this. So she said she'd give us their decision tonight and we will give them our decision tonight. I only have 5 more hours and I still don't know how I will react to their decision. They are trying to fix it, but they handles things so badly in the first place,what if its too late to fix? Rach is coming over later to talk about it. This may be the shortest club experience ever.

Sunday, November 06, 2005

Kill the Pig! Smash his Head!...

Today was club bid-day. All the girls who recieved bids from our club gathered under the bell tower today to recieve their pledge books and to get further instructions about pledge week. I've been really excited about this all week. We had some amazing pledges. I had liked that my club was too small to really refuse anyone, or so I thought. All these girls try so hard to gain acceptance and I hate hearing about clubs who turn the girls away for stupid reasons.
Rach and I noticed very quickly that the pledge we chose for our "little sister" was not present. We thought she was late or lost or something, but when we started asking around our president shushed us and told us she would talk to us in a minute. Rach and I looked over her shoulder at the bid list and noticed that Alyssa's name was no longer on it. Which was really odd because the whole club voted her in. Our president pulled us aside and told us that Alyssa hadn't recieved a bid from our club. She said that it had been brought to her attention over the last week that "Alyssa doesn't uphold certain Tri-Kappa standards" and her "conduct is affecting friendships in our club". What does that mean?! She said she had three members complain to her about this pledge, one of whom had spoken to the dean about it. She said she had talked with the social club director and decided it would be best to withdraw Alyssa's bid. Rach had seen Alyssa 30 minutes before and Alyssa had no idea that she wasn't getting into the club. Alyssa was our very best pledge, she came to every event and wanted so desperatly to be in our club. So what then, was this conduct that went against "tri-kappa's standards?" Alyssa went on a date with on of the club beaux. Our president rooms with three of our club members, one of whom has a major crush on this beau. She in turn complained that Alyssa was the type of girl who sleeps around. She got two other girls to back her up, can you guess who they were? why her suite mates of course. No one appraoched Alyssa about this, no one had any proof, and our beau is not being punished for what they are accusing Alyssa of ( personally I dont believe anything happened). Alyssa still doesn't know what happened. OUr president told us to tell her we knew nothing when we see her next (apparently Tri-Kappa standards don't include lying). This isn't right. I wanted to chop my jersey up into little pieces. How can they do that to a pledge without talking with our club about it first? They can't overturn decisions like that! Even now one third of our club doesn't know what happened and I'm so angry I could scream. My club is so full of pettiness and deceit and I hate it! We soiled that girls reputation without a shred of proof. I feel like one of those boys in Lord of the Flies who has to do what Jack says because he's so afraid of the group turning on him instead. And as for our present pledges, I keep thinking of how Kara was never allowed to go hunting with Dad and I after she yelled at a dear to run away one time, that's how I feel now, I just want to scream at all our pledges to run away as fast as they can. THey don't want to be a part of us. Alyssa's the lucky one really, now maybe she has a chance to join a club more worthy of her.
But I'm not going to sit by an just watch this either. I'm not entirely sure what to do. I don't want to split the club or break it up, but I don't want to be a part of a club with "standards" like this.

Saturday, November 05, 2005

I'm a Pepper, You're a Pepper...

Ok well, so that was a short Vacation. I do plan on trying to stay of the comp at least in my room as much as possible during the week. I need to spend more time with my suite and plus there is this "male suitor" (as my accountability group would say) who is always online and seems to have redoubled his efforts as of late. The wierd thing is, despite the fact that we have a class together he never speaks to me in real life. He has however started working his way down the seats on our row towards me. Now there is only Josh between him and I, and I fully intend to keep it that way.
I've explained to him that I don't want to date, yet for some reason he either doesn't believe me, or sees it as a debatable issue. No matter how many times I tell him he always seems to chalk it up to this idea that I just don't trust guys. (and yet he's proving himself competly trustworthy by pretending to be my friend just to try to date me...) He keeps sending me these small sections of poetry, which always end up to be songs becasue I've googled the last three. I have somewhat a sick admiration for that, kinda like how people stare at car wrecks, I'm impressed at his akward attempts at passing it off as his own words. What goes through his head when he does that? But it is quickly over shadowed by irritation at all of this in general.
I ate dinner with hannah and Lucas tonight. Lucas got up and went over to talk to some friends for like 15 miutes so it was just hannah and I at the table. This usually isn't a problem. But a little while back Hannah told me that she liked Lucas, and I wouldn't tell her that I did. So she keeps pressing it. Not out right, she just keeps leading conversations that way and so I keep leading it away. That is the last subject I care to discuss with her. To make matters even more akward, she has recently started being very vocal about how she and Lucas always hang out and how her friends call him "her Lucas" cause they ar always together. And then she looks at me, and I can't decide if she is trying to make me jealous or get some reaction. I just smile at her. I really don't care. Lucas is a great friend to her, I knew this before she started being so vocal about it. I just hate mind games. I don't like my friendship with her being so akward. So I desperatly started looking around the cafeteria for someone I knew who might come over to say hi, or for Lucas, or an elephant to fall out of the sky. Unfortunatly none of those seemed to be nearby,so I was left to create a diversion myself. I decided to spill my dr. pepper on myself, but then she started in with another, "Lucas and I were practically twins seperated at birth" rants, so I decided to spill it on her "accidentally" instead. She finished her rant, and I was contemplating the most natural way to knock the glass over when Lucas came back to the table, I don't think I've ever felt more relieved to see him.
Oh and you want irony? My "suitor" is Hannah's ex-boyfriend.

Thursday, November 03, 2005

Blog Vacation

I can't really think of much to write here anymore. I think I will take a break for a while.

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

Suite-mate frustrations

1.) Just cause it's in the fridge does not mean you can take and eat it. (this includes my half-eaten take-out)
2.) If you must eat my food, put up what's left of it back where you got it. (And you complain about the ant problem?)
3.) If you must eat all of my food, would it kill you to replace some of it so that I can have something to eat? (I don't have a job, I don't know when I'll be able to get groceries again.)
4.) If you use a dish, or cook something, wash you own bloody dishes! Stop leaving them there for the rest of us. (Yet another reason you should shut-up about the ant problem)
5.) If you won't wash them, at least rinse them or put water in them so the rest of us don't spend forever scrubbing them. (Did your mother teach you nothing?)
6.) Stop leaving your paints out, they get all over the furniture and carpet. (Pick up after yourself!)
7.) Stop putting your brushes and easel in the kitchen sink for us to wash! (How can you treat your brushes so poorly anyway?)
8.) If you are going to wash your brushes and easel, do it in your own bathroom sink and not in mine and Candy's.
9.) If you must wash it in ours then rinse the sink out. (what happened to common sense)
10.) Stop using my hair brush.
11.) If your going to take and use my hairbrush without asking, at least put it back so that I can use my hairbrush.
12.) If you are going to take my clothes without asking, PUT THEM BACK!
13.) Same goes with my tennis shoes.
14.) If you are going to lend my shoes out to your friends without asking, please, is it too much to ask that you PUT THEM BACK?
15.) If you ask me what I'm doing, and I say studying, then don't flop down and start talking to me and then act insulted when I don't listen. ( I'm sick of spending hours in the library just to get away from you long enough to study)
16.) STOP sleeping in my bed while i'm at my classes. It's creepy. And you had better not be sleeping in your underwear. (My bed was one of the few places growing up that was completely my space.)
17.) Maybe knock before coming into our room?
18.) Maybe leave our room every couple of hours or so, hang out in your room or something?
19.) Again, If you take stuff from our room, without asking, then at least, PUT IT BACK!
20.) DO NOT LOCK ME OUT OF MY OWN ROOM! I shouldn't have to knock and ask to be let into my room, and if you tell me to wait a few minutes to be let in one more time I'll scream.

AARRRRGGGH!!!! I am really trying to be patient, but this is driving me crazy. She's so nice too, why can't she be a little more respectful of everyone else?

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

It Is You

It Is You
Dana Glover

There is something that I see
In the way you look at me
There's a smile, there's a truth in your eyes

But an unexpected way
On this unexpected day
Could it mean this is where I belong

It is you I have loved all along
It's no more mystery
It is finally clear to me
You're the home my heart searched for so long
And it is you I have loved all along

There were times I ran to hide
Afraid to show the other side
Alone in the night without you

But now I know just who you are
And I know you hold my heart
Finally this is where I belong

It is you I have loved all along
It's no more mystery
It is finally clear to me
You're the home my heart searched for so long
And it is you I have loved all along

Over and over
I'm filled with emotion
Your love, it rushes through my veins

And I am filled
With the sweetest devotion
As I, I look into your perfect face

It's no more mystery
It is finally clear to me
You're the home my heart searched for so long
And it is you I have loved
It is you I have loved
It is you I have loved all along

It's been a rough week so far, but God always provides. He has blessed me with some phenomenal presences in my life. A few inparticular who are invaluable to me. I've hit sort of a transitional period in my life this year. And I've been very uncomfortable with it, but God keeps showing me daily how he is taking care of me, how he will continue to do so. I'm very blessed.