Tuesday, February 28, 2006

So here's a brief catch-up. That poem was for a friend of mine from school who isn't sure he believes girls and guys can maintain the same friendship level once one of them starts dating someone else.

I have become better friends with a guy named Brandon, he is going on my spring break road trip with my roomie and I. However, no MExico. Sadness. I think we will head to SAn Antonio and the coast.

Lucas and I's friendship is better and will continue to do so. He is an amazing friend/guy/person. ANd no matter what is going on with us good or bad, wether or not we are getting along, though we usually do, I know he will always be there for me.

Oh goodness so much to say. It is spring here though, I have midterms, I have guy problems, and all I want to be is outside doing nothing. Its so pretty

Friday, February 24, 2006

Black and White

It's easier for you to walk away, than it is for you to reach out to me.
It's easier for you to look through me, than it is for you to see "me."
It's easier for you to distance yourself, than it is for you to really care.
It's easier for you to hear, than it is for you to listen.
It's easier for you to judge, than it is for you to understand.
It's easier for you to label, than it is to get acquainted.

It's easier for me to look away, than it is to let you see the feelings betrayed through my eyes.
It's easier for me to cry, than it is for me to talk.
It's easier for me to walk alone, than it is to risk rejection.I
t's easier for me to push you away, than it is for me to be held.
It's easier for me to distance myself, than it is to trust that you won´t hurt me.

It's hard for me to talk when you won't understand.
It's hard for me to trust when you are so indecisive.

So yeah friend. Go ahead. Pull away. Stand on your ethics. Cloak yourself with your "logic". But be prepared to stand by yourself, coward!, cause you can't leave something that's already gone. It's always so black and white with you. Play it safe. Play it smart. Then play alone.

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

Let me love you

"And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, 18 may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, 19 and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God."

I've read this passage a hundreds of times. I could probably quote it from memory. Yet it confounds me how, having read it so often, I failed to notice the power of this prayer until now. (Ephesians 3)

I had the opportunity to spend some time with an amazing friend of mine this weekend. (I really appreciate my friendships with all of you, most especially because we can talk about God and his word, it always saddened me how my best friend from back home and I could talk about everything but God, thats such a vital element of any Christian that I often felt there was a giant part of me that she would never acknowledge, anyway sorry about that rabbit trail) I was talking o my friend about how so many people I knew refused the love given freely to them. It really frustrates me when someone I love refuses to let me love them. Especially if it is because they feel they have wronged me and don't deserve it. I don't care what they've done, whether or not they have been a good friend, I just want to be allowed to love them. Nothing they could do could possibly hurt or frustrate me worse than their continuous refusal of my love. It occured to me though, how very hypocritical I am. I do this to Jesus all the time. I sin. I feel unworthy. And I am too ashamed to go before Him. I am stupid enough to try to "avoid" Him for a while. So I push Him away. Why is it so hard to accept his love as unconditional? Is it pride? Do I not want to accept it simply because I didn't earn it? Or is it a lack of faith? How well do I believe my sins were covered at the cross? Do I really believe God can love someone like me?

I love this prayer because it's asking God to help the Ephesians understand God's love for them. For them to know Christ's love so well that you are completely filled with it. Can you imagine what that is like. To be completely filled with Jesus's love. It makes me think of the old milk (or is it oreo?) commercials where the little kids are trying to pour milk into a glass and it completely gushes over the rim and all down the steps of the porch they are standing on. My friend described it as being so completely filled with His love that all our hurts, anger, and sorrow is pushed out. Can you imagine a church filled with people like that, completely filled to the fullest measure with Jesus's love? Sorry for the novel, but this concept excites me more than you know.

Saturday, February 18, 2006

Riverside Park

I got the chance to go to riverside park this weekend with some friends. It was a lot of fun, an infinitley better experience than last weekend for sure. With the exception that I went to see Lucas beforehand and found out he has mono. He is really sick and I miss not seeing him. Mono is probably one of the worst things that could happen to him right now. PLease pray that he gets better soon.
I really love being outside. I stole these pics from Jared (the guy in the red jacket going down the slide.)
Joey is in the middle of the see saw. I love those things.
James is Joey's room mate and a really neat guy. He's going to make movies some day which you all should go see cause he's brilliant. We were all jumping of the swings.I look like i am trying to hurt some one. lol
It was a really fun night. I have some amazing friends.

Saturday, February 11, 2006

He bought a dog. A miniature doxen. He says he's going to take care of this one. Thats what he says about his new girlfriend too. While our old dog is back in Texasbeing taken care of by the parents of his ex-best friend. Wonder if he even remembers Max's name. He says it's name is Romeo like his old dog. Do you see the irony in that? He says Romeo sleeps in bed with him. Max used to as well. He says it will be different this time. He says...

...a lot of crap

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Its been a really good weekend. I was a bit stressed on friday but my friend Joey and I went for a walk and watched the sunset and it was really nice. I love being outside. Joey is the guy in the picture with the deer. i thought you'd like that one dad.lol. Joey always finds wierd ways to cheer me up, like having raisin wars or trying to publically humiliate me.

I also got a chance to hang out with Lucas some. We don't get to hang out as much as we used to so it was really nice. I've been blessed with alot of really amazing friends. Candy just dropped by. She set herself on fire in lab. I thought science teachers were intelligent but apparently not if they gave her fire.

I'm going to Oklahoma this weekend with some friends. i'm really excited about getting away from campus for a while. We are going to the lake, only its too cold to ski or swim and that makes me a little sad. Well I guess there is nothing really going on up here. But that is usually a good thing
I love you all.

Friday, February 03, 2006

My friends Joey and James wrote me a story that I get portions of if I go to chapel for the day. I have really cool friends.

I finally figured out how to add multiple pictures. (yeah yeah I know its not complicated and whatnot but I'm proud.) This is Hannah and Lisa. Hannah is Joey's big sis. They are a lot of fun to hang around.

This picture is of my friend Shelby. He is an amazing guy,very honest and I know I can always trust him. He's not afraid to tell me the truth even if I won't like it. I harp on that alot I've noticed.

I'll save some of the other photos for later. I was talking to Shelby the other day about an ex boyfriend of mine and he told me he felt like I was still a bit bitter so he tended to take everything I said wth a grain of salt. I really appreciated that he called my attention to that. I've been wanting everything black and white lately because so much of my life feels unstable. I also struggle alot with this "guard you heart" issue. I had thought that my biggest mistake had been being too trusting, but i'm starting to find that in an attempt to prevent hurting like that again, I am beginning to overcompensate. Shelby reminded me that it's better to err in trusting too much than trusting too little. Inevitably when you trust people you will be let down, but you have to decide before hand that it is worth it. I've been thinking about all the amazing friends I have in my life lately and they were well worth the risk of trusting. If letting people like that in my life is my reward for trusting, than I don't regret anything that happens.

Thursday, February 02, 2006

Well school has been going much better. I went to my first ONE meeting and DM steering comittee meetings this week. ONE unites all the missions fellowships on campus and I'm really excited about what it has planned for this coming year. The Domestic Missions steering comitee I have decided is not far from a mafia. They are slowly planning to infiltrate the entire school and are very intentional about it. They have mapped out with colleges and departments they are going to start with. But in all seriousness I'm very excited to see all that it is accomplishing and while I am reluctant to run my committee (which was going to be called the Engage committee but was changed to Encounter since Harding is already so marraige oriented)I am excited to have an oppurtunity to learn to lead. Really all I have to do is delegate. That doesn't sound so hard, or am I being naive?

I went to my first post-marital counseling session this week. I must've looked horrible since I didn't even know Patrick's last name. hehe I'll just let you think a bit on that one dad.

It seems the more the past few years have progressed the more girl friends I know of mine that have been raped. The majority of them never notify anyone, and the ones who did said it amounted to nothing. Searcy has had a real problem with it recently. Rape is one of the scariest crimes to me. One of my friends showed me this today though and it really interested me. Y'all need to check this out.