Sunday, February 18, 2007

25 things I don't want to think about...

I decided to come in and edit this post. God has been blessing me alot this week.

1.) The laundry I desperatly need to do but won't have time for until Wednesday.
2.) What will happen at my first trip to the gyno.
3.) The fact that I forgot to take my chpt. 4 History quiz before the deadline. Due to a problem with pipeline, he's re-opened the quiz for just today.
4.) What my wedding colors are.
5.) Wedding registries (arggh! What is the point of a charger plate? anyone?)
6.) Making an appointment for my dress fitting.
7.) Haggling over adjustments and beading repair on my dress.
8.) Finding time to apply for a bible scholarship.
9.) Applying for credit for my mission's internship.
10.) The fact that our two missionary contacts have dropped off the face of the planet before we could arrange which we would be working for.
11.) What kind of wedding cake I want.
12.) What kind of music I want at the wedding.
13.) Pretty much anything at all to do with the wedding.After noting Dad's helpful suggestions I realized how lucky I am that its me and not him planning my wedding.
14.) Ways to stop clenching my teeth during nightmares so that they'll stop bleeding at night.
15.) The million and one ways my support letter was inadequate for sources that can't agree on what they want it to look like.
16.) The fact that I didn't spell his name right even though he can't spell mine.
17.) The essay test I have in History tomorrow.I aced this test.
18.) The 30 source annotated bibliography I have coming up that is to be turned in before the paper.
19.) The fact that I'm a week behind in Greek.
20.) I still haven't heard back from anyone about the RA position I applied for.
21.) When I will find time to send out a second wave of support letters.
22.) Talking to my trustee about paying the tuition for my internship.
23.) I have yet to get my Typhoid shot.
24.) I have yet to get my Visa pictures.
25.)At what point during reading the four gospels, the six required texts, skimming my 30 sources, translating and underlining my three pericopes from the greek, and creating an annotated bibliogrphy, am I supposed to write my 15 page synopsis?

*Also if you have peter pan or great value peanut butter with the stock number 2111 on the lid throw it out. It's been recalled for salmonella.

Sunday, February 11, 2007

yeah... I deleted it. I want to hate him. I'm just not any good at it.

Saturday, February 03, 2007

The Proposal Story

I've been a big procrastinator on putting this story up and today James posted this on his xanga(another form of a blog that most of out college friends use)James and I have had an up and down week with fighting and pre-marital counseling and just a bunch of silly things, but the wonderful thing about James is that he is very intentional about making things better in our relationship. He is terribly shy and he doesn't express emotions (this week though I saw his eyes well up, I know it's horrible to want to see your fiance cry but it just assures me that he's more emotional than he likes to let on.) Anyway, our pre-marital session ended with us writing a list of things the other person could do to show us that they loved us for eachother, and at the top of mine I put "say that he loves me in a public setting", he practically went white when he heard it. (It's kind of unfair in that I've never done the same for him and that I would be equally as afraid of it if he had thought to put it on his list)Today, I found this post on his xanga, that may not seem public to you, but this is read by all of his friends and some of their parents, including the ones that criticized us for dating in the first place, by posting it here he's insured everyone will hear it. Here's what he wrote:(all words in bold are my commentary)

The Story
Act I: Chapel. I get up at six so I can drive to Wal-mart and pick up roses before work.He got a job working early in the mornings so that it wouldn't cut into our time together.I get to chapel a couple minutes after 9, rushing to my seat before the checker comes, and hand Kacey the roses. She smiles. Good choice. (Note to self : roses are always a good choice) Kacey's been trying to explain to me the difference between letters and roses. I still don't quite get it, but if roses make her happy, it's roses she'll have.
Act 2: I tell her to meet me in the student center at 3pm, dressed to be outside. After my last class ends a 1, I eat a hasty lunch and set up a scavenger hunt across campus, leaving clues at all the places that we have memories together. The final destination intention : the Administration Auditorium stage. It's brilliant. It's beautiful. It's being used for a class.For the life of me I can't figure out why he would have chosen the Admin. Guys make no sense. I dejectedly leave the Auditorium and run into Susanna, one of Kacey's closest friends here. I briefly explain my dilemma and she suggests the Heritage Chapel. Sounds corny to you, but it's really a beautiful place, with a view of most of the campus. I take her advice and set up the scavenger hunt to end at the chapel. I finish sorting out some nonsense with my books, make sure the chapel is unlocked, and meet Kacey in the student center. Then I remember, I have one more clue to leave. I tell her I'll be right back, and rush outside, up two flights of stairs and leave the last clue. Then I return and hand her the first clue : the call number for a book in the library. My childishness comes out at this point and at this point only, but how could I resist? Can you believe our library has a book that's simply called "Sex"? Yeah, I'm immature, but it'll just get better from here.i mentioned to him after that this clue isn't really one you include in a proposal scavenger hunt. He muttered something about knowing he should have gone for Pride and Prejudice. There were half a dozen other locations, each relating to a memory from "us" , ending at the chapel. She thinks there's another clue somewhere inside the chapel.I did not. I knew he was going to propose the whole time because he has trouble with keeping suprises a suprise, I was just worried he would panick and decide not to propose that day after all. I'm panicking because, surprise!, there's people in there now! Where do I go!?! What do I do!?! I mumble some unbelievable excuse about skipping that clue and lets got to the cemetery. Kacey doesn't really believe me, but agrees to come anyway.
Act 3: The cemetery is kind of a special place for us, tracing back almost to the beginning of our friendship. Anytime things were getting stressful on campus or confusing or painful with her family, that's where we'd go. It's within walking distance, and really a beautiful place if you don't mind the gravestones. I've always loved cemeteries and I think this one was beginning to grow on Kacey. We have a spot, between the dead elm tree and one of the cedar trees that's our spot.Hmmm, I never knew what kind of trees they are. We'd sit there and talk, or lay on our backs and watch the clouds and it's just a wonderful place. By the time we arrive at the cemetery, I've got serious butterflies in my stomach. Even though I love Kacey and I know what she'll say, I'm still nervous. I'm only going to propose to her twice in my life, so I want it to be perfect.He proposed on our first date and I said yes but then changed my mind because it seemed a little fast.Wow you are all going to think I'm a nut case now. I'm not in the habit of doing things like that. James was just different. I lead her over to the spot and tell her to close her eyes. I'm awkward when I move, so it's better if she's not looking when I get down on one knee. I tell her to open her eyes and hold up the ring and ask her if she'll marry me. She says yes. I pull her into a hug and she tells me she loves me. I've been longing to hear those words. We stand there for a few moments, wrapped in an embrace, then head back to the car. And life hasn't been the same since.
To be honest, I never really thought I'd fall in love. I always rather fancied that would be one curse I would steer clear of, laughing as my friends got tangled in it's web. I thought I would have good friends at work, go home each night, cook an extravagant meal for myself, ?pizza rolls? and fall asleep watching whatever movie I wanted to with my dozen dogs. I would go to the theatre and operas on the weekend, writing marvelous novels that would win me acclaim around the world. I would be the best dressed, (once he learned that black and brown don't match) best looking, best-mannered man in town and I would live my life in direct defiance of this concept of love. I would be the guy that every girl would want and the guy that no girl could ever have.
Then I met Kacey and all that changed. They say humans are meant to live in community, that it's not natural for them to live alone. I never really wanted to be human or to follow the standards applied to them. But so long as I remain within this mortal coil, I shall remain, to some degree, human. Despite my general distain for emotions, I find that the complete removal of them is hardly wise. (and not actually possible, if I kick him in the groin he'll cry like any other guy)
When I met Kacey, I had no intention of falling in love. I had no intention of ever falling in love. I wasn't looking for a relationship and I didn't want a girlfriend. But sometimes (despite my inclinations), the heart is stronger than the head. And despite my fear of emotions, I let my emotions have a degree of control and I've been thankful ever since. Sometimes we have to take risks in life. Sometimes we must make a choice without knowing where it will lead. Sometimes we think we know what we need, what we want, and find out we've been terribly wrong. Kacey is everything I never knew I needed.
I only pray that all my friends shall be so blessed in love. I love you Kacey. Shalom.

Thursday, February 01, 2007

Building a Team

My mission team got their DiSC test results back last night. There are only three of us on a team;Jack, Mary and me. Jack and Mary ended up being complete opposites, literally, their graph if you combine thier two check marks would make a diamond. This test creates a graph and matches it to one of the 15 personality patterns. We haven't discussed the patterns yet. We were just told which letter we were and what the characteristics of that letter were. Everyone has some of all the letters but there is always one that is high. (Unless of course you are me whose check mark looks more like a straight line, either I'm well rounded or devoid of personality)You are given six adjectives to describe your personality in eith of the letters. Jack is a high "C" (Conscientiousness) and only one point away from being a high "D" Dominance. Which is funny because Jack can seem so timid but it is because C's dislike conflict and criticism and seek round about ways of trying to solve a problem. Mary had very little C in her. Mary is a very high "i" which Jack has almost none of.
Jack: careful, restrained, high standards, analyitcal, sensitive, mature, evasive
Mary: arbitrary, rebellious,defiant,obstinate,tactless,sarcastic
Me: restrained, high standards, analyitcal, sensitive, mature, evasive, "own person"

Jack: suspicious,pessimistic,aloof, withdrawn, self-conscious, reticent
Mary: enthusiastic, gregarious, persuasive, impulsive, emotional, self-promoting
me: convincing, observing, discriminating, reflective, factual, logical, controlled

As you can see Jack and Mary are really different but they are already friends and while some of the adjectives sound negative that is because it is the environment in which they react least to. We were supposed to be paired off in groups of which ever letterwas highest so I had to go ask Marvin (man administering the exam)where to go, he just looked at mine and raised his eyebrows, he laughed when he heard James and Mary's personalities. Essentially my personality is very "fluid" in that I can choose an area to be dominant depending on the situation. This summer for example, I will be the buffer between James and Mary. He predicts I will take on a high "S" personality which is the peacemaker type. The wierd thing is that wt pre-marital my counselor said the same thing about the Meyers-briggs and Taylor tests. That I scored near the middle and it would probably be a good thing because I could adjust to deal with other personalities better. I think James took that to mean ,"You're probably one of the few people who could ever live with an INTJ" because all the way down the elevator he kept saying ," I don't want to be someone you have to 'deal with'"